pregnancy on a boat; musings from lady beluga and my soul

Hello all, well it’s been quite some time since we shared with the world our adventures. I will give you a quick verbal update; we got married, had a miscarriage (really tough experience, I share because I wish more women would talk openly about how hard miscarriages can be), moved onto our boat in Lyon with adorable and supportive neighbors, got pregnant again (this time our little guy is sticking around; we started the third trimester Christmas Day, got a cat- gave the cat away :(, Pierre quit his job, we continued to get « Now » and our birth preparations ready, I jammed more concerts into the months before we left to qualify for maternity leave than ever in my life, and went to the US for Thanksgiving. Tis the season for big change says the Sky. 

Here is the fabulous news folks, our journey begins, we have fucking left. It’s taken longer than we thought (the original departure date was set for December 4th) and finally we left the last port in France December 25th but we be gone, adios, bienvenue la vida.

What to share from my heart…

We are planning on giving birth in Martinique. We are planning to do a natural childbirth at home (boat, rented house, or airbnb), if the pregnancy continues to be without complications. I am in my third trimester and every day our little Miracle and me continue to grow. My new nickname is Beluga. We have received all kinds of well intentioned advice, fears, attitudes, support, and judgements from others about this decision to leave now, give birth in Martinique, and not wait until the Baby comes. When you are pregnant everyone puts their own experiences, blisses, or fears on you. My body has felt like a war zone for comments and judgements. I know thier intentions come from love and to prevent us from living a trauma. We had a miscarriage already, I have learned that the door to birth can also be the door to death. When you are pregnant the veils between the worlds seem so thin, translucent…; There are angels and helpers who emerged from the roots. I have never felt so alone and simultaneously supported in all my life. 

I am reading a book called « Birthing from Within » given to me by a Sister Angel Helper. The book invites artistic expression to understand deep rooted feelings about birth and becoming a mother. One exercise was to draw how the experience of being pregnant has felt for you. I drew myself and the Baby being protected and held in an aura and all around the aura angry faces, energies trying to get in, arrows, stress…  but the helpers were there too… my Mother the Moon sending support into our cocoon, my Husband fixing our home,;the boat,  pregnant hearts flowing love, a Grandmother sending apple sauce and knitted sweaters, a physical Aunt and a spirit Aunt whispering birthing songs in my ears, Sister in laws Being present  and a quiet strong voice, and and Spirit always around. 

I find pregnancy to be hard and marvelous… I call the dense part of my pregnancy, Lady Beluga. Lady Beluga has freaked out about living with such little space on the boat, broken a cupboard on the boat in a moment of Beluga ravenous rage about leaving so late, she has cried to the wolves, eaten whole jars of pickles and olives, walked miles to find Chinese food, and wants comfort, oh the Beluga loves her warm showers, fluffy pillows, and sugary Christmas movies. 
My Soul on the other hand loves this All, especially the uncomfortable zany bits. It’s so delicious, so deliriously me… I’ve lived feeling stuck before, stuck in myself, my work, creatively blocked, I have been in my fair share of dead end, dead beat relationships (and one previous marriage), and this, well This is delightfully delectable, brazen, curious, radical, passionate, vibrant, the juices of my Soul be Flowing world. I am married to my Captain, my Brave, Passionate, Soulful, Christ-eyed, Dauphin bodied, compassionate, stubborn, utterly lovable, and drop dead gorgeous Captain. We have given away/sold everything, bought an old sturdy boat, moved my harps into the boat, a magnificent Soul choose to come into our family in the middle of the whole adventure, and we did it; we left the comfort to answer the call of the Wild, the deep Call of our Beings for something else; another way of living, another way of working and making art, to hear again the Music of the Spheres. We are out on the Water, living this dream…
OH my Soul moans yes, more of this Yes, oh this Love….

Pregnancy, the dance between Lady Beluga and my Soul; a sacred waltz of the spheres indeed

My eyes fill with tears as I write, my heart overflows with love for my young, budding family…

Into the waters we go
Into the Waters we are….
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